Facebook Social Graces?

 

Facebook was designed to bring people together… recently, Facebook's own descriptions of itself have included multiple amusing analogies to cakes, chairs and swimming pools… “Swimming pools are filled with people. Some you know. Some you don’t. And every once in a while you see something that maybe you shouldn’t. That’s why swimming pools are a little like Facebook.”​

Still, we like the connection Facebook gives us… these little snippets of time to catch up on the latest with friends and family where we otherwise wouldn’t have the time to start a long phone conversation or even celebrate special moments. "Birthday cakes are made for people to be together. They give friends a place to gather and celebrate. But too much cake probably isn’t healthy. So birthday cake is a lot like Facebook."

"Chairs are for people, and that is why chairs are like Facebook.'' But what if we sit too long in those chairs and dabble a little too freely on Facebook? I think we can get in trouble – and I think this is happening a lot.

Here’s a thought: would you agree that family and friend communication is meant to be peaceable? That is what we want from our Facebook relationships… yes? Not to stir up strife and pick scabs. We can easily do that in person – but please don’t. The Lord said to us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18 NIV). We are not promoting peace when we leave incendiary, opinionated, snide comments regarding people places or things or even pound scripture at people hoping for change. In fact, we are being the opposite of a peacemaker... and pounding just leaves wounds.

I believe if we want change, it needs to occur in our own hearts first…take the scripture and comment pounding, apply to self and take the log out of our own eyes. Then we would see why the seasoned, respected pastors of our age know when to verbalize scripture and when to keep it to themselves. They have a well-honed strategy. Most of us laymen do not. Pastors generally understand the meaning of “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” (Proverbs 25:11) Bludgeoning people with our judgments on Facebook - publicly or privately - and not to someone in person - diminishes the opportunity for clarification and negotiation on both sides. This alone does not promote peace.

Facebook lends us just enough anonymity to fool us into behaving badly and thinking we are getting away with it. The reason we do not say those same things to our family and friends in person at the yearly family parties is because we know we wouldn’t be as likely to skirt by without a nasty confrontation – it is socially unacceptable. But in actuality, we are not getting away with it. First the Lord sees us not behaving peaceably; and instead, stirring up the embers of argument – just for the sake of it. And secondly, others are assessing their opinions of our tactics and we are losing what respect we may have had and subsequently the ability to minister to others. Is it not just as socially unacceptable on Facebook as our family parties if we are consistently stirring up strife?

My rule of thumb is I won’t say anything in writing I wouldn't honestly say to someone in person. So let’s talk… I am ready to say this out loud.